Good self-transformation or attempt at transformation poem as the narrator tells us her journey.

Well life is not about being perfect; it's about continuing to improve.

I like how musical this was in the first
Remember when you traced my heart
In a permanent outline, savoring each line?
When our feet first hit the sand and laughter rang aloud
The quiet moments feeling heartbeats
I prayed each one would last forever
And I wouldn't have to face this part alone

There is a transition into deeper thought after this. Rather have the deep thoughts than the music. But if you could get the deep thoughts to be more musical ah!

The same old me fights each turn, to rule my mind
While this heart tells lies on three deaf ears
My bible so wore down baring on my judge and ruler
As I'm fooled again and again to tears


Ending gets abstract a bit, but to your credit, many concrete words are used.

I roll up my sleeve
Protecting the damage, trying to heal
Stillness elopes every word I don't understand
Looking all too familiar is that vicious circle I dare not tread
I pray every second for courage to stand
And you didn't leave me behind yet again

Good poem though. With punctuation is easier to find out the meaning. Without punctuation the meaning morphs from line to line.

Critiques are just opinion. Take what you want leave the rest.

A good poem overall.






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"Women may fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships."

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I lost it a bit ago and still in a transition period.

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Your eyes shouldn't always be open to see what lies ahead.

Please contact me for permission to use my work, don't just take it since they are my personal attributions and thoughts. I do use TinEye!!

It seems as though every poem I write tells the future of my situations. This was about a separation from my now ex-boyfriend of a year. He and I didn't end very well needless to say. So.....stay tuned to my new deviations very soon. BTW I accidentially cleared off all of my friends so you may not see anything. I don't know how to undo it so if you know please please tell me.

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Your eyes shouldn't always be open to see what lies ahead.

Please contact me for permission to use my work, don't just take it since they are my personal attributions and thoughts. I do use TinEye!!

did you rewatch those in your favorites?




--
"Women may fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships."

Poetry/Fiction: [link]
Astrology: [link]
Artist Free Traffic: [link]

no i kinda havent done that yet but i will soon, thx again for the favs

--
Your eyes shouldn't always be open to see what lies ahead.

Please contact me for permission to use my work, don't just take it since they are my personal attributions and thoughts. I do use TinEye!!